who is like god?

will you ever show him these words?
will he ever read my thoughts?
does he know how I feel about you?
does it even matter...would he even care?

In this corner I wonder at what I saw.
I wonder at what I thought I understood.
I wonder what you saw...and what you knew.

I wonder what you wanted then, and what you want now.
I wonder how all the connections appear to your eyes.
Who were the players and why were we here in your life?

It reminds me of almost.

I plant cryptic words in plain view.
I hang emotional fragments like tinsel
hoping you get what I say and understand what I mean.
I think of where it could have gone, almost.

too many ifs
too many boxes
too many barriers.
not the right time
not the right love
not the right man.

Things are different...must be different.
who is like god...he's spoken for you
and you've accepted.
things cannot be as they were.

will miss you, Hermosa.

iceberg tips

Thoughts are hidden behind this mask;
behind the border of this mind.
Words emerge from this mouth;
from these fingers.
The only part you see of me
are the iceberg tips of my thoughts.
The vast world, within this mind,
not so easily apparent to you
not so easily understandable from where you stand.

And I grasp the handholds of your thoughts,
the words that emerge from your mouth...
that flow from your fingers.

Words that are reflections of the thoughts;
some of them mere masks;
some of them protection;
for you
or for me.

I misjudged
I fooled myself
I misinterpreted
I lied to myself

simply a monday morning

we made each other laugh out loud.
we flirted and sighed.
as dear friends, we talked long
into the wee hours of the morning.

my old friend stopped by briefly.
I wanted you to meet her
but she couldn't stay and chat.
you didn't get to meet her.

you saw some more of my heart
and you showed me some of yours.
I was not detered by what was said before.
I told you mine was not lightness and casual flirting.
I told you I am a peacock, preening
with all of my feathers showing.
I told you, I am taking your face in my hands
and turning it towards mine.

I left you with questions,
you left me with a promise to think about it.

a day after

met you today in a usual place
we danced and were polite
we melted some ice
and talked like friends.
admitting our emotional states
we parted nicely
we will soon meet again
me, anxiously

behind the mask

I can spin words
turn them into shapes
make you laugh, or make you cry,
but I can't make you come my way.

My world was changed in an instant...
a shocking instant;
when blinders fell from my eyes
and I saw what I didn't know was there.

I have been under an illusion
I have been under a misapprehension
I was following my need, wants, desire
I ask Why, why me, why this time

Stepping back into this corner,
the wall goes up a little higher.
my mask firmly in place,
another lesson learned.
Again, I bide this time...waiting

inside my heart

stealthily meeting in cyberspace.
and I read what you were typing...
and my heart was in my throat...
I could feel the heat in my face...
I was radiating emotion.
and I thought, oh well...I misjudged.
and I read more as you wrote
and I wondered about all the things you'd ever said to me.
and all the things I'd written and said to you.
and I thought maybe this time I'll learn my lesson.
and from now on keep a tight rein on my heart
and I was prepared for...oh, I don't know what...you to let me down as easy as you could.
I thought maybe I missed your warning...
of not to get too close.
But I tried anyway.
I have tried to fly close...like a moth...
but careful not to fall into the flame.

I've wondered what you were thinking,
when you were writing
knowing I was near.
Did you want vengeance that much?
did you hear a little voice in the back of your mind?
fighting against the other raging voice coming through your eyes?

In this impossible situation I am falling for you.
In this totally unworkable of scenarios you have successfully carved a place in my heart.
In the unlikeliest place I've found a friend who took me into confidence.
In this wild dream I'm holding on to you.

lost in chicago

I have the feeling that BETTER is just up ahead for me...
That happiness is waiting for the right moment to spring...
That I'll have clear cut goals and that I will meet them....
That troubles will roll off of me like water on a duck's back.

I'll find the magic words to say just the right things.
I'll be able to spin words into soothing remedies for me and my friends.
I'll be wise and know just what to say at just the right time
and unhappiness will be swept out the door
and bright sunshiney days will bring big smiles.

yes, that's what I see...a little far off...but there it is.

700 Mile Embrace

I am feeling a comfy coziness;
it's a smiling grin that feels good on this face.
I can talk to one who listens,
to one who likes what I say,
to one who wears a smile with equal delight.
New everyday thoughts of one who cares,
of one who lets love grow.
New everyday expectation of warm encounters;
of understanding;
of again having feelings of friendship.


I looked back and saw that I'd lost much of me.
I was reminded of who I was years ago.
I was reminded of the mind that I'd changed time and again.
And now, at this time, my mind is renewed
with thoughts and feelings that I'd abandoned to the past.
Back, before my thoughts were glazed over with untruths,
before my thoughts were viewed as carnal
and my life construed as evil.

Now one pulls back a dark veil and helps me see
the potential of my years, from this point forward.

Thoughts flow...but words are hard to find.
Feelings flow...but there is no easy turn of a phrase.
Can I just hold on to this one?
Can I just let the feelings flow...
out through a 700 mile embrace?