just the right thing, at just the right time

just as I was feeling a little lost
just as I was feeling somewhat lonely;
She came to me with a song of love
and words of encouragement.

It was a simple statement just to tell me
of her deep feelings from inside her heart.
such a sweet way of telling me
that she is in love.

changing my mind again

She threw it up to me again last night.  Something that should have been forgotten.   Something that should have been forgiven.  She forgot that the prophet wrote, "Though your sins be as scarlet, they shall be as white as snow. Though they be red like crimson, they shall be as wool.”  She forgot that the Psalmist said “As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.”  In the heat of the words, I had a myriad of thoughts…much to say.  But today I’ve changed this mind again.  I don’t need the shit.  I don’t need the baggage.  I don’t need to carry it.  I don’t need me or anyone to dredge it up or examine it.  I do not need to be defined by ancient history.  I don’t need to dwell on what might have been.  Or the many what ifs in my life.

With vigor, this morning I’m changing my mind.  I am walking on. I am walking away from sorrow and dread…away from stupid mistakes and wasted years.  I’m walking without baggage.

I am holding on to new happiness as it comes my way.  I welcome those who walk with me along the way.  Those who like what they see, can share my good things. But I won’t give my old baggage.  Because I won’t be carrying it any more.  Such a good reason why I’ve never made a record of it.


It’s time to divorce myself from the old and broken down.  There is new life ahead.  There are pristine days and years to live.  What I grasp and hold, anew.  What I’ve denied myself for too long.   Here I go.

The Insurmountable Mountain

One does not even know
what is on the other side
of the mountain of life.

Going along, enjoying what one would think
is the best in the world
having carved out a place of happiness,
maybe just a little cleft of happiness
in a craggy rocky life.
Or maybe a sprawling bed of comfort
in a home of security
in a town of steadfastness
in a world set apart.

to find something completely new,
from the other side of the insurmountable mountain.
to have been Surprised By Joy
and embrace the unexpected and unplanned.
in wonderment of making changes
seeing new places,
new faces…

forsake the old?
embrace the new?
I would ask, who’s life is it?
which one do I touch?
and what about my own life?
when do I get control
of that which I own?
then there is the thought…
did I ever own it?
did I ever control it?
…my life.

And now faced…with the realization
that I did not know happiness before
not this happiness
not this deep
not this pure
not this familiarity entwined within new strangeness
not this comfort embedded within newness
not this sweetness mixed with bitterness
And not this Oneness . . .where two can not be one

I've Got The Horn!

Brett Garsed...guitar

dude #1: "yeah, you know...'den I've given it all..."

dude #2: "I kno...I know...I've got...I've the hor... I've got the Horn!"
I'VE GOT THE HORN!"

Just listen here.

once a daydream

I'm listening to Keaggy's sweet, sweet guitar
a lifting counterpoint to Jeff's earthy mandolin
they are serenading my thoughts
my thoughts of you
overwhelming me.
I'm floating on sweet music

Sferra sings
"once a day
everyday
i want to hear you
in the heart of a true love
in the heart of my new love"

I can't keep you out of my thoughts
I can't stay away
I do not abstain
I am overcome with you.

- listen -

her precious

I am simply overcome with emotion
with what she is asking of me.
and as I think on this
it takes my breath away,
my eyes burn,
and love flows;
that she would ask me to dwell
with her in this deep place
to find the face of God

she has taken her hand,
and opened her heart.
she has shown me a secret place,
a warm tender place.
she has let me hold the precious
and entrusted me with her treasure.
And I am honored by her trust and love.

whatsoever is good

When I smell the wild flowers
or suck on the sweet nectar of clover blossoms.
pulling the roots of a sassafras plant, just to smell the fragrance.
break off leaves of trees to taste and smell
exploring the senses.

laying in the grass, with eyes closed on a summer's day
just listening to the sound of the leaves in the trees,
rustling behind my head
feeling the sun on face
open my eyes and look at the clouds making shapes.

sitting near the American River, guitar in hand,
trying to reproduce the sound of the waters

late night moonless sky,
with stars painted across the heavens.
the sound of silence,
while looking at the milky way

walking down Riverside Avenue,
in the rain under my black umbrella,
peering across the wide Ohio river bend
and standing there through the long storm
watching the lightning dance on the hills of west virginia

standing within the crowd on 13th street,
watching the apartment building burn down
flames shooting so high in the night.
and thinking about the lonely girl who lived there.
The one who didn't get out. The girl who walked alone
through the high school halls.

The colors swirling, the sounds moving,
for the first time,
watching the world in lysergic amazement.
amazed at what was inside of my head
amazed at the answers that suddenly came over me.
engulfed in feeling that I've never felt before.

and then sitting with electrified friends
in the early dawn, looking down on the valley
viewing the three towns along the river
sitting on the heights,
seeing intense fire paint the sky.
looking into the sun through the morning clouds
and being utterly amazed at the pictures
and colorful forms playing out
on the immense canvas of the sky

pressed up against her.
Not believing that she was here with me.
soft lips, long blond hair,
petite body, and small pert breasts.
always fresh and a delight.
excited at what was to come next.
my high school sweetheart
warmth engulfing me
deep inside her, drawn into her
exploring the erotic,
never to this depth
just for fun

holding her in my hands
this new life...she fit so snuggly
within my two palms.
eyes still mostly closed
soft baby skin, smooth baby smell,
and I loved her from the very first moment
an unbelievably deep love,
a ready made love
and I couldn't explain this feeling
father and daughter.

standing before an audience
yet oblivious to all around me.
just being aware of the sounds coming
from my throat, and playing through my fingers,
a rush of feeling played down the side of my body
from head to toe
and the band reached a higher plateau,
what is the word for it?
it is hard to describe.
a rush.
but I always feel it when it's about to hit
and then there's the rush.
not quite orgasmic
but close

in the night, seeing the tunnel to God
part of an acid laced encounter
but there it opened up.
the tunnel to the heavens
and my voice quavering
not aloud...but shouting inside of me
shout to the Lord
suddenly aware of His loftiness
and of my lowliness,
and of the connection between us.

finding happiness, after years of loneliness
finding someone who makes me smile.
there she is...the woman who understands me
she's the one I want, but can't have
but she's the one who makes my heart sing
my imagination wanders. Inside my huge mind
I see the blossoms...the unfolding
the discovery. Another of my wonders.

Rosh HaShanah

she takes the time
to speak with God
to show Him her mind
to think of these things.
I told her to ask God about me.
"He knows me pretty well"
maybe God will tell her my answers
maybe she will hear something I cannot.

she takes the time
to listen to God
to hear His mind
in the midst of all that crowds her thoughts,
all that she hears and sees.
she will use the time
to clear away the confusion
maybe she will find her answers
maybe she will hear something she missed before.

she takes the time
to listen to herself
to ponder the questions
to embrace the answers
in the midst of all that we share and embrace
and the things we've avoided saying
maybe she finds what she's really seeking
maybe she helps to guide the Seeker.

magic

it seems like Kaki was choosing to play the right songs
at just the right time.
as we sat at our table in the darkened ambience,
she matched our mood with her fine music.

you and I were ever so close.
your touch, so assuring.
your dark eyes sparkling in the candle light.
I studied the features on your face, more lovely than ever.
it was like you said...Magic!

and your closeness, your face next to mine,
your hand on my cheek, my ear,
my own fingers drawing lines on your face
exploring with my touch,
my lips lightly kissed
your cheek, your ear,
so light, so careful.
breathing the fragrance of your perfume on your neck.
I didn't want to let go.
and as we said our goodnight,
your lips on my cheek
stayed with me on my drive home.

I'm still thinking about the night,
still grasping my feelings
knowing that it was good,
wanting to be with you again.


providing ambience, Kaki King

- listen here -

more kaki here

it was autumn [a memoir]

The woods spread out on all sides, and I had no idea how far off into the distance they reached. I was in a clearing, and I didn't remember how I got there. The leaves had fallen, spreading across the ground. Little hills surrounded the clearing. I was not afraid, just confused about how I ended up being in this place.

Suddenly, I was not alone. There she appeared, across the clearing, calling my name. It was my friend Lynnie. She was about my same age...four years old. It was she who brought me here. She seemed to have known the place, was familiar with it. And I was still amazed that this place even existed.